Notice of REVOCATION...

> NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE To the citizens of the United States of > America, In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and > thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your > independence, effective today. > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over > all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does > not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP for the > 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside > your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for > further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A > questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you > noticed. > To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules > are introduced with immediate effect: > 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. > Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed > at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should > raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the > same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and > "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up > "interspersed". > 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know > on your behalf. > 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. > It really isn't that hard. > 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as > the good guys. > 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The > Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to > get confused and give up half way through. > 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind > of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good > game. > The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders > may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. > You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play > proper football. > Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a > difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play > rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve > stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour > like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side > by 2005. > 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons > if they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there > is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians > have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "sh*t". > 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new > national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day". > 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for > your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we > mean. > 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. > Thank you for your cooperation. > > __________________ Funny as hell... __________________ I got this at work! It is funny! __________________ Redcoats still up to their old tricks I see... Mavi forum